Saturday, November 15, 2008


Disclaimer: This episode is dedicated to no one . And i really don't know why i mentioned this.

My alarm went off ...... OMG!! Himesh Reshammiya songs are so effective when used as alarm tones - they r so irritating tht you wouldn't want to sleep even a minute more (of course , occasionally you might feel like smashing the phone) . As the bright rays of sunlight fell on my half-closed eyes , i had a look at the time jus to make sure i didn't miss my morning class . 4:00 AM!!!!!!! Realizing that my tubelight was the culprit behind the fake sunlight , i switched it off and tried sleeping again.

Ahhhhhhhh! Damn you Himesh!!!!! After cursing him for another 10 minutes , i made up my mind to utilize the time available to study . I gave my pile of books a long hard stare , had a hearty laugh and after giving it a lot of thought [:P] i decided to take a bath (i think i gave it a lot of thought , i don't exactly remember)!!!!! So , i took my immersion heater ......blah.........blah.......blah and had a bath . As i pursued the quest to get back to my room , all of a sudden a monkey jumped in front of me and both of us stared deeply into each other's eyes with fear and anger(pls don't ask me who's associated with the fear here) .


As the monkey stood still, virtually growling at me , somehow i was intimidated by the size of the creature . It was big, almost the size of Andrew Symmonds (well, not literally) . My teeth were chattering , either because of the gruesome sight or because of the 5:00 AM cold . There was no one else around and .............. BANG!.... the monkey made a dash towards me . If i were telling this story to my hypothetical girlfriend, i wud have gone about boasting of how i bravely fought the monkey . But since my girlfriend is Z-Z* (purely imaginary) , i must say i literally ran at the speed of wind before my bathroom slippers betrayed me and i fell down.

I turned back , and to my horror i realized that it was a biscuit piece on the floor which had triggered the big chase .Thankfully, no person was there to witness the drama ! After the monkey enjoyed it's breakfast , i happened to notice that i had soiled myself badly and had another bath. Coming back to my room, i had some rest and told myself :
"Thank God!! No one knows about this , or else it would have been soooooooooooooooo embarrassing"......................Hey, wait a minute!!!!!!!!! Why am i telling you all this ??????!!!!!!!!!!

P.S : 'Z' is a complex number, in case you are fantasizing about my 'imaginary' girlfriend !!

Sunday, September 28, 2008


DISCLAIMER : All the characters appearing in this episode are from the english alphabet , punctuation marks , etc. (add watever u want to)

Tht was a long break , and i'm not apologising for tht - the producer had hassles with the sponsors - no ads this time . So let's get to the fun (:P) part without wasting much time .

This is about an incident - happened in school . It was our chemistry lab , and as we know the lab incharges sometimes get too thirsty, once in a while, that they wud request all the students to bring fruit juices - in the name of conducting an experiment (pH test - is tht wat they call tht?) - most students obliged by bringing juice samples . Ans , as is usual , there were anomalies (or in Lehman Brothers' language - "exceptions") and those few students were requested to be OUTSTANDING .

One of those came up to the lab-ass (i'm not expanding tht for u) and explained tht he had left his sample in the classroom . So, he was shooed(or shoed - u get the idea rite?) off to bring his alleged sample . After a few minutes he came back with a bottle of pale yellow transparent liquid which, no sane person, wud've mistaken for a fruit juice , cause it was so obvious tht his pH sample was a natural man-made juice !!!!!!!!!!

But wat do ya know? The lab-ass didn't even have the slightest suspicion of the nature of the liquid (now u know lab-ass doesn't just stand for lab-assistant) . And as the "prodigy" started his experiment , his pH paper stuck to the walls of the beaker - seeing him hesitant to stick his hands into the beaker , the lab-ass pushed the paper inside - getting his hands wet('dirty' wud be more apt) in the process too .

As if all this drama( or sitcom - cause it was utterly funny at tht instant ) wasn't enough , we had to mix some chemical for a subsequent process and one of the beakers started giving unusually large amounts of colored smokes (attractive prizes for guessing which one :P ) . The lab session was disrupted and the culprit produced in front of the district Magistrate (the princi i mean) , and after the grueling judicial process , the accused was sentenced to two-day suspension .

But , the guy had no regrets , i starkly remember him sayin "It was TOTALLY worth it, dude!!" .

I adopted a different kind of presentation with a lot of brackets to convey implied meanings , if it was too painful to read - i guess i overwhelmingly succeeded in my attempt.

As is usual , i give references to my titles , being considerate towards the ignorant section of blog readers . My title refers to the song "Smells like teen spirit" by Nirvana.

See ya next episode .

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Episode 4 - HOMO GENIOUS

DISCLAIMER: The animals appearing in this episode have been brutally treated and tortured - and I really don't care wat the animal welfare board thinks :P

All right , it took me some time to make up my mind to post this incident . REASON - it was totally embarrassing for me . But i did have a good laugh about it later.

I was traveling in a bus to home , and the crowd was unforgiving at 6:00 pm . I shoudl've taken a train , but the long walk to the MRTS station and the utterly disgraceful queue to buy a 5 rupee ticket was nothing less than repulsive . So i took a stroll to the bus stop near my campus gate.

As i was waiting , a group of girls (or women??!! couldn't really tell the difference!) came , and behind came a group of guys . Well, that isn't new is it? But , i noticed one particular guy from that group who kept away from girls (Let's call him Mr.G , G for Good) , even as the rest of his friends played SALMAN KHAN in front of the girls . Maybe "BIRDS are not always followed by FLOCKS OF SAME FEATHER", or so i thot.


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Welcome back.

So , the bus arrived and i happened to sit beside Mr.G . He seemed to be in a happy mood , was constantly singing and kept smiling at me. I felt awkward and turned away, but his line of sight never deviated . All of a sudden, out of nowhere , he kept his hand on my legs ! And before i could write it off as sheer accident - WOHOOW! he started doin strange things . I looked at him with my mouth wide open - i was so shocked i couldn't close my mouth even after knowing that a mosquito jus entered into my digestive system . His smile got weirder !

I immediately reacted and got off the running bus , GOODBYE Mr.G(G for a three letter word- not Good) . I had a long walk back home , wondering all the while if there is a law to protect innocent guys like me (:P) from sexual harassment . I came home pretty much shaken , my parents were quite bewildered at my behaviour . As i wondered, what made Mr.G "attack" me exclusively , i washed my face and stood in front of the mirror and something struck me :

That shirt is now my favourite cleaning cloth . My parents kept asking where the shirt was - they apparently found the shirt suitable for my personality . I stopped being clean-shaven after that .

I regret my inability to star an animal in this episode - must have spoiled ur expectations after the DISCLAIMER .

By, now u wud've got the title - if not i'll give a HINT: "Solution is a HOMOGENEOUS mixture"

And to those who think i'm intolerant towards homosexuals - please comment on me after having a person of the same sex run their hands between your thighs !!!!!

See ya next episode.............

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Episode 3 - BLOKE on the water

DISCLAIMER: The following blog entry contains crude content . So , Parental Guidance is strictly prohibited!!!

After seeing my blog , one of my friends asked me the " FORMAT " for writing a blog ! So, i told him there are no rules for writing a blog . And unfortunately , he took the advice so seriously, that it resulted in a disaster of a blog in the form of this :

My sincere apologies!!

Anyways , sorry for the delay in "publishing" or "airing" - watever u want to call it - of Ep3. I just wasn't jobless enough .

I joined a summer swimming camp in my 8th grade . Now , even though my parents were kinda instrumental in my joining , it was my ambition- to be a lifeguard(!!) , that pushed me into the camp. Well, u r obviously surprised why i wud want to be a lifeguard . The reason was simple , Bollywood movies ! I hope u r familiar how in a typical bollywood movie , the hero saves the heroine from drowning ? (long story short i wanted a girlfriend !!)

So , it was the first day of the camp , and i was on the constant lookout for emergencies !! But , once the training started , my worsht (spelled with the "h") fears came true . Even being in the baby pool , i was in a constant fear of getting drowned in the "3 feet deep pool". Finally , after 5 days of coaching , i got over my POOLOPHOBIA , and cud keep myself afloat in water .

So, one fine day (turned out to be a bad one), i came earlier than everyone else to practice , and saw a girl drowning !! So , i gathered all my courage and took a dive .Unfortunately , i landed on her directly and what followed was a flurry of bad words , which to this day , i haven't found the meaning of . It happened so, that she was a professional swimmer trying to hold her breath for a good amount of time , which i happened to "misinterpret" .

I was feeling kinda feeling low(actually i was feeling "drowned") but what followed was a very interesting incident . There was a guy who already knew swimming , and used to show off in front of all the girls (ya , it was none of my business) . So , one of us (NOT ME!!) went off the hook and pulled his shorts jus before he dived , and the result - shorts outside water and him inside!!! What followed were peals of laughter (of the guys) and screeching screams (of the girls) . I decline to describe the scene any further !!!

And , after that i never wanted to step in that water again (who wud want that water to get into their mouths , after witnessing the bizarre incident) . I never went for swimming again - either because of the fear of losing my shorts , or jumping on a professional swimmer , i dunno for sure.

But i learnt an important lesson that day - i have wasted 10 mins of your time by posting a completely untrue story , and have made you mad at me!! But life goes on ..................

/*No ads this time , Because of ads-men strike!!

And one of my friends after seeing my previous post was curious to know ,wat the climax of the love story 2007 - in the seat behind me - was like . Too bad , i din't even stay till the interval of the film , because it was worse than the film on-screen.

Another of my friends , had a problem with the number of exclamation marks in my blog - he feels it's too much .Well , this is for him :

And , by the way , the title is a reference to the song "SMOKE ON THE WATER" by Deep purple.

So , see ya next episode !


Sunday, June 22, 2008

Episode 2 - I AM LEGEND.......................wait for it!!!...............................DARY!!!!!!!!!!

DISCLAIMER: The characters in this post are purely non-fictious , any resemblance to real life characters is purely intentional.

NO! This isn't about Barney!

All right !!!!!!!!! Wat's wit zombie movies ???????????? There is no logic whatsoever in them . They probably got ideas from rabid dogs - which bite and transmit their disease and tendency to bite totally unsuspecting people !!!!!!!! Man-eaters are generally related with lions , etc . But watching a man eat man is the grossest thing to see .

Well i dunno whether i lost my mind - but i made the mistake of watching I AM LEGEND (ya.. i am) in a theater on the 30th day !! The following things caught my notice :

1.Theater was so empty - so there was virtually no one to throw up on whenever a really sick scene comes up!

2.The guy 2 seats next to me was talking to his girlfriend (i guess) - he was giving live commentary of the film (except for the part where WILL flexes his muscles!!)

3.I had a sore throat and had to pop in some cough syrup . Some guy who saw it thought i was drinking packaged blood and gave me a weird look!!

Well it was not a really pleasing experience . Well , i prepared myself to enjoy(!!!) the movie . But having seen zombie movies before and being familiar with "OMEGA MAN" , i was deprived of that privilege too .

Before i continue , the ratings for my blog have gone up , so there will be ads in between . See ya , after the break !!

/*I've commented this part so as to make clear this isn't part of the blog.

This is Dianna , the director of ORKUT.COM . You have to forward the link of this blog to at least 100 people . Or your account will self-destruct 10 mins after you have read this!!!!!!!


Welcome back after the break !

During the interval , i was aching to go to the restroom because i was completely "pissed". I also lost my appetite due to certain scenes . I overheard a guy and his girlfriend talking how gr8 the movie was !!!! When the girl went to take her popcorn , i slowly asked the guy "DUDE!! Seriously haven't you watched good films at all??!". The guy replied,"My previous girlfriend broke up with me cause i made fun of Will Smith while watching this same movie on the first day!!! i'm not taking any chances!".

All right !! Ground rules for guys dating - NEVER EVER make fun of your girlfriend's favorite actor !! Cause they are like their imaginary spouses!!!!!!!!! (Sorry girls !! I'm jus exaggerating to make it more interesting.)

So , since i paid 100 bucks (FACT: Salman Khan wouldn't like the word BUCK since all he has is BLACK money , so 100 bucks is actually 100 BLACK BUCKS for him - that's too much for him to kill!! ) i decided to take the plunge and see the rest of the movie.

Unfortunately , the couple whom i encountered earlier sat behind me , by then they had lost interest in the movie (why not!!) and got interested in themselves . They didn't notice me since i had sank into my chair ! I felt happy for the guy . I thot "Gr8 going dude ! Truly, where there is WILL Smith , thr is a way" . I quietly slipped onto the next row .

That just wasn't my day , as i sat next to the guy who saw me drinking "BLOOD" . I kept quite for a while . He suddenly broke the silence and told me , 'This movie is KICKASS!!". I was ready to kick his ass !!!!! But then it was the scene where WILL says "You take the cure for the disease , i'm destined to die". And out of nowhere the whole theater (not more than 100 people) started applauding!!!! WHAT THE HECK!!!!!!! I'm surrounded by WILL SMITH FANS . I made a quick exit before anyone bit me and turned me into a WILL SMITH fan!!!!!!!

To all WILL SMITH fans reading this (especially girls!) - i have due respect for WILL - dat's why i have typed his name in caps everywhere!! This film was not in my best views - that's why i thrashed it !! WILL you pls excuse me????!!!!!!


Facts from my previous blog post : There was no girl who i saw in spencers so that i make myself clear to all the girls reading my blog - I'm open to new relationships :P.

And to all my friends who questioned my credibility as a BBC - i jus wanna tell them that i still exist as BBC with a different full form which i decline to translate here!!!!!!!!!

And please follow episodes sequentially - it'll help me co-ordinate better with you :P

Friday, June 20, 2008

Episode 1 - From the flying plane on to the wire

Well, you obviously din't understand the title !! It's a morphed version of "From the frying pan ,into the fire" - and the wire was carrying a large current . That's me!! Well when i made it thro JEE - i guess i was more relieved than happy - Why? Well school was hell for me for the following reasons:

1.My school was against IIT because they thot they were a better institution than IIT!
2.I had to draw time out of thin air for going to my JEE classes.
3.I was going through depressions often
4.I had taken a vow of ABSTINANCE for 2 years (refer to story of the film "40 days and 40 nights")

And by now you would have figured out i'm none other than "Peter Parker" living in chennai -
2. crazy and
3.most importantly short of words to write my third characteristic

So i guess half the girls wud have decided to stop reading by now - wait !!!!!! Don't stop - i have SIX PACK abs (wat i mean is please have mercy on me!!!!) .

So - IIT it is , luck has shone on me!!!!! Little did i know that it was the UV rays of the sunshining on me ......................

Well - sorry for boring you with my metaphorical speech -but wat the heck!!! i'm writing a blog!!!!

There were certain consequences of my 2 years of living dead (again - referring to the film "Night of Living dead")

1. I lost my ability to talk to girls - totally!!!!!! In fact i started living under the impression that i'll live as a bachelor . As a result i was named BBC (Bala BrahmaChari) on my first day in IIT . And that would explain the "Welcome to BBC's network on the top".

2. I was utterly boring in my talk (you must have the impression tht i still am!)

3. I became compalcent (got a JEE rank of 267 - who wudn't)

4.Lost my perseverance

5.I was wearing thick glasses

And all of it happened so gradually that i din't notice it . Life was so dull and slow . All the spice was gone . But then , one day i met a girl at spencers ............


To be continued...........................................................................................................

If anybody cares about my real name - it is ..... pah! even i don't care!!!

Yours Wrathfully
Raghunandan.S (ya tht's my name and i do care :P)