Friday, February 12, 2010

Blog Finale : Episode 9 - Honey for Nothing - Part (3)where I get fed up

Disclaimer: I feel that Pakistani cricket players should be accommodated in IPL. I also request Hindu fundamentalists to make a huge issue out of this so that I get cheap publicity. Of course, when all of this pays off, I'll tweet saying I'm "sorry" for whatever 'so-called-inconvenience' the 'so-called-controversy' might/might not have created/induced ..... phew!! SRK mustve been really vetti to have masterminded this whole thing. Or am I overestimating his ability to think??

I left the 'Honey for Nothing' series hanging without a concrete climax. Just as I was reeling under the impression that no person quite cares abt this particular climax, I happened to watch 'Ayirathil Oruvan'. It made me realise how pathetic it is to not have an ending(decent enough or otherwise).

The last episode concluded at a stage where I had problems with the dog at our PG(paying guesthouse). Subsequently I found out that dogs are sh*t scared of guitars. All I had to do was use my acoustic guitar(playing Bryan Adams particularly irked the poor creature for some reason).

The climate in Bangalore was a welcome change from the Chennai summer (I'm still talking abt my third year Internship, in case you cared enough to wonder). The pleasant climate and the fact that I had an internship(which had quite a decent stipend) gave me an inexplicable 'too-good-to-be-true' feeling. Sure enough, I found out that the Sambar there had jaggery in it!!!

To all those sweet-sambar fanatics(aka ppl from Karnataka) out there - let's accept the facts shall we?? You just don't know how to make Sambar. Your ancestors probably asked ours for the perfect recipe, which ,not surprisingly, tempted them to ask for Cauvery water in return(ultimately breaking the deal - obviously). Mixing jaggery and catering to wannabe-diabetics alone doesn't warrant the usage of the name 'Sambar'.

Another startling fact about Bangalore is that there is no change(as in 1-rupee coins) in the whole city!! Buy a bus ticket and you get a piece of paper with an encircled number denoting the change at the back of it .... any attempts to en-cash it is met with not-so-pleasant frowning faces. Irrespective of the time of the day or the value of the commodity/ticket, you are expected to pay exact change. At times, when you are really lucky, you might be able to convince the shopkeeper to open his *secret stash* of change to pay you back.

My internship ended in the most weird fashion (I can't post it in a public domain due to ethical considerations).On my last day in bang., I went to buy snacks for the train journey and committed the blunder of not taking the exact change. I ended up buying a bottle of honey just so that the total bill came to a perfect 50Rs (thus the title of the series 'Honey for Nothing'). I'm still thankful that I never had to learn a single word of Kannada during my entire stay in Bangalore. I still distinctly remember an auto-driver asking me in English : "Tamil?? Hindi?? Telugu?? Which language do you want me to speak?!!".

P.S: In case you didn't get the Dire Straits reference in the title - I suggest you start listening to good music!

P.P.S: @ppl who are interested on how my intern ended (and are reasonably jobless) - u can ping me. If you are a stranger reading this blog post - the climax is open to interpretation. (:P)

P.P.P.S: I'll not be posting any new posts in this page owing to the lameness of some of my previous posts .... and also partly due to the bad(and only) formatting options available in blogspot.

P.P.P.P.S: I overdid the P.S part again (refer to previous episode).

XOXO(sans the hugs and kisses)

Monday, July 6, 2009

Episode 8 - Honey for Nothing ........... Part 2

Disclaimer: This episode is a sequel , and it won't make sense unless you read the previous part. Ummm..... that doesn't mean I guarantee that it'll still make sense !

Wattaa weeeek !! Wattaa weeeek !! Unbelievable incidences . Immensely ironic occurrences . WOW ! My life's a 'reality TV show' !! But I'll come to it later .......

Going by the ending of the previous episode you would've expected me to describe my 'quest' to obtain the internet connection I desperately needed. Well, I'm really sorry to disappoint you, but matter of fact is that I got the connection in just a few days without much fuss.

As I said , I got my intern in a company , most importantly , a start-up company. Before you ponder upon the 'most-importantly' part -- lemme clarify. There are certain advantages of working in a start-up :
1.Timings are flexible.
2.You don't have to wear a stupid ID card which your friends really love to 'play' with and comment at.
3.It's OK to wear informals. As long as you don't dress like Elvis Presley you are fine.
4.There's no compulsion, whatsoever, to SHAVE DAILY. I dunno about other guys, but the violence and bloodshed is just too much for me.

Work started immediately, and there was a rather conspicuous decrease in enthu of my project-partner cum batchmate in just a few days. It made me wonder,if my uncanny ability to 'put peace' does, actually, have an inductive effect on others working with me. But it turned out that the process had nothing to do with me. In fact, he was just being an IITian – no big deal!!

My company was placed in a nice locality, with notably quiet surroundings. There was a child-day-care center right opposite to my workplace (so now you know – I was jokin about the “quiet” surroundings). I once came across a woman, who appeared really hesitant to admit her child there. And that's when I noticed the name-board there . In big, bold letters, was written the name of the place ---- PMS , and below it was the tag-line --- “Not just babysitting!!” (:D) . In case you didn't understand her hesitation , wiki 'PMS' and refer to the first article in the list .

Our company didn't provide lunch. Instead they gave us “snacks” , which included samosa, cheese-sandwich , etc. (I don't blame you for getting jealous thr..)! So , we had to hunt around for good lunch houses. Subsequently, we stumbled upon a Chinese-cuisine place, which provided quite decent food – and also took pains to hire people from Assam,Sikkim,etc as waiters ..... you know........, so that the place gets a “Chinese” look. They really have to be appreciated for their dedication and thoughtfulness !!! Of course, once, we were unlucky enough to run into a couple going through with a divorce, seated in the adjacent table, who just couldn't keep their freakin' voices down . The conversation was something on expected lines:

Woman :: It's MY way or No way....

Moron(Ex-Husband) :: Okay, anything you say !!

Woman :: What are you doing with all that money ?? Spend some for child-care, and whatever's left , I'll take it....

Moron :: (Realising, ex-wife is talking abt money) You look beautiful today !!!!
and so on and so forth !!!

Must say...... each and everyday was quite eventful. I got accommodation in a really peaceful PG(paying guest house) . Of course, “peaceful” has it's own connotations........... more on it later . Quite mentionable, was the presence of a dog there. It's name was Tommy, but i suggested, to the caretaker, that naming him “Shah Rukh” would be more apt. Obviously, now I can't claim that I had nothing to do with its naming . The dog seems to like me . In fact, as i write this post Shah Rukh is licking my feet .................................. wait................................... well, it's chewing my feet now!!!!! GTG!!!!

P.S: Not all Moms take 'marriage jokes' lightly!!!! This was a conversation that took place a few days ago :
Mom :: Can you go buy some sugar ?
Moron(Me!!) :: Ok Maa......
(After 30 mins as i got up to go to the store)
Mom :: I got the sugar myself . You have become really lazy nowadays !
Moron ::Well, at least that way I'm completely prepared for married life ..... hehe.....

I'm going to abstain from describing the scene that followed , 'cause it was really gruesome ! In short, Mom went on about how my Dad has the 'same' attitude and how it's not healthy...blah.....blah...... :(

P.P.S: I put up a counter just to ensure/confirm that no one reads my blog! But to my utter dismay, quite a few DO read it . Now I can't publish watever I want, I feel a peculiar responsibility to censor my episodes.... :(

P.P.P.S: Please wait for the explanation for the title of this 'Honey for Nothing' series ......

P.P.P.P.S: Now that Delhi High court has decriminalised homosexuality --- I don't want any guy comin' to me and saying “You must be happy, since it's ok to be gay in India now” or any other possible version of this stupid remark. This so called 'joke' has already become repetitive and boooooooooring.

P.P.P.P.P.S: Ummm ......... I think I've overdone the 'P.S' part . What do you think??!!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Episode 7 - Honey for Nothing......Part 1

Disclaimer: Due to recession - the quality&quantity of my postings have come down . So , don't get your expectations too high up(hey Dhoni!! You cud probably use this excuse for the time being??!!).

One of my 'friends', questioned me a few weeks back as to why i had stopped blogging (and according to the automatic English dictionary provided by 'blogging' is NOT an English word!!! Sheesh !! Gibb max!!) . My initial reaction, of course,was that of shock , considering the fact that he actually gave a crap about the blog!! I responded , saying that the blog brought out a sarcastic and frivolous side of me , which made me uncomfortable (hard to believe , eh??). He , in turn , suggested (Yes! He was jobless/pathetic enough to have SUGGESTIONS regarding my blog!) that it might actually turn out to be a 'hit' like the “Fake IPL Player” slog (I prefer to call it a 'slog' instead of a blog because .....DUH!!...... it's about cricket). That,combined with (silly)inspiration drawn from the Australian cricket team's unexpected exit,kinda materialized into this post .

A pretty long intro, i guess? Well , I have been in Bangalore,only around a month or so, for my intern . And i could probably write a whole book on my experiences here , already . But , of course ,being a faithful IITian , i decided to put 'em in my blog instead .

I was supposed to do my intern with a certain company , but unfortunately things didn't work out as expected . The worst part of being left jobless was that i got to know abt this only after i reached Bangalore . So, i booked train tickets to Chennai , and , subsequently , got into a resume-mailing spree to find an intern in a Bangalore company. Fortunately , one of my dept. Intern reps(IRs) , kinda volunteered to help me in this situation . I only let a few of my friends know about this , since i knew going around mentioning the company's name, and it's lil mix-up, wudn't be ethical . But, quite ironically, he forwarded my mail , in which this whole fiasco was explained, to the whole department's google-group instead of the IR-team google-group!! Nevertheless , he and one other batch-mate of mine , helped me end up with an intern (Thanx Diki&Chunda !!) .

Initially , i was quite apprehensive about it,as the job i got wasn't exactly in my area of interest . Later , realising that it was a paid intern, i convinced myself "All is well , that FUNDS well" ..... eh?

Once my intern was confirmed , i came back from the cyber-cafe to my paying-guest-house(PG , as i am goin to refer to it as) and felt quite relieved . “Peaceful summer ahead ” was my line of thought . Still, something constantly irked me . Deep inside my heart , i knew i was missing something really close to me . As i opened my laptop , it suddenly struck me ........

“Crap!! No NET connection in my room!!!”

(To be contd...................)

P.S: The relevance to the title will be explained in one of the subsequent posts . I am pretty sure this is the last thing u'll be bothered about . Still , i feel responsible for what i write here......

Saturday, November 15, 2008


Disclaimer: This episode is dedicated to no one . And i really don't know why i mentioned this.

My alarm went off ...... OMG!! Himesh Reshammiya songs are so effective when used as alarm tones - they r so irritating tht you wouldn't want to sleep even a minute more (of course , occasionally you might feel like smashing the phone) . As the bright rays of sunlight fell on my half-closed eyes , i had a look at the time jus to make sure i didn't miss my morning class . 4:00 AM!!!!!!! Realizing that my tubelight was the culprit behind the fake sunlight , i switched it off and tried sleeping again.

Ahhhhhhhh! Damn you Himesh!!!!! After cursing him for another 10 minutes , i made up my mind to utilize the time available to study . I gave my pile of books a long hard stare , had a hearty laugh and after giving it a lot of thought [:P] i decided to take a bath (i think i gave it a lot of thought , i don't exactly remember)!!!!! So , i took my immersion heater ......blah.........blah.......blah and had a bath . As i pursued the quest to get back to my room , all of a sudden a monkey jumped in front of me and both of us stared deeply into each other's eyes with fear and anger(pls don't ask me who's associated with the fear here) .


As the monkey stood still, virtually growling at me , somehow i was intimidated by the size of the creature . It was big, almost the size of Andrew Symmonds (well, not literally) . My teeth were chattering , either because of the gruesome sight or because of the 5:00 AM cold . There was no one else around and .............. BANG!.... the monkey made a dash towards me . If i were telling this story to my hypothetical girlfriend, i wud have gone about boasting of how i bravely fought the monkey . But since my girlfriend is Z-Z* (purely imaginary) , i must say i literally ran at the speed of wind before my bathroom slippers betrayed me and i fell down.

I turned back , and to my horror i realized that it was a biscuit piece on the floor which had triggered the big chase .Thankfully, no person was there to witness the drama ! After the monkey enjoyed it's breakfast , i happened to notice that i had soiled myself badly and had another bath. Coming back to my room, i had some rest and told myself :
"Thank God!! No one knows about this , or else it would have been soooooooooooooooo embarrassing"......................Hey, wait a minute!!!!!!!!! Why am i telling you all this ??????!!!!!!!!!!

P.S : 'Z' is a complex number, in case you are fantasizing about my 'imaginary' girlfriend !!

Sunday, September 28, 2008


DISCLAIMER : All the characters appearing in this episode are from the english alphabet , punctuation marks , etc. (add watever u want to)

Tht was a long break , and i'm not apologising for tht - the producer had hassles with the sponsors - no ads this time . So let's get to the fun (:P) part without wasting much time .

This is about an incident - happened in school . It was our chemistry lab , and as we know the lab incharges sometimes get too thirsty, once in a while, that they wud request all the students to bring fruit juices - in the name of conducting an experiment (pH test - is tht wat they call tht?) - most students obliged by bringing juice samples . Ans , as is usual , there were anomalies (or in Lehman Brothers' language - "exceptions") and those few students were requested to be OUTSTANDING .

One of those came up to the lab-ass (i'm not expanding tht for u) and explained tht he had left his sample in the classroom . So, he was shooed(or shoed - u get the idea rite?) off to bring his alleged sample . After a few minutes he came back with a bottle of pale yellow transparent liquid which, no sane person, wud've mistaken for a fruit juice , cause it was so obvious tht his pH sample was a natural man-made juice !!!!!!!!!!

But wat do ya know? The lab-ass didn't even have the slightest suspicion of the nature of the liquid (now u know lab-ass doesn't just stand for lab-assistant) . And as the "prodigy" started his experiment , his pH paper stuck to the walls of the beaker - seeing him hesitant to stick his hands into the beaker , the lab-ass pushed the paper inside - getting his hands wet('dirty' wud be more apt) in the process too .

As if all this drama( or sitcom - cause it was utterly funny at tht instant ) wasn't enough , we had to mix some chemical for a subsequent process and one of the beakers started giving unusually large amounts of colored smokes (attractive prizes for guessing which one :P ) . The lab session was disrupted and the culprit produced in front of the district Magistrate (the princi i mean) , and after the grueling judicial process , the accused was sentenced to two-day suspension .

But , the guy had no regrets , i starkly remember him sayin "It was TOTALLY worth it, dude!!" .

I adopted a different kind of presentation with a lot of brackets to convey implied meanings , if it was too painful to read - i guess i overwhelmingly succeeded in my attempt.

As is usual , i give references to my titles , being considerate towards the ignorant section of blog readers . My title refers to the song "Smells like teen spirit" by Nirvana.

See ya next episode .

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Episode 4 - HOMO GENIOUS

DISCLAIMER: The animals appearing in this episode have been brutally treated and tortured - and I really don't care wat the animal welfare board thinks :P

All right , it took me some time to make up my mind to post this incident . REASON - it was totally embarrassing for me . But i did have a good laugh about it later.

I was traveling in a bus to home , and the crowd was unforgiving at 6:00 pm . I shoudl've taken a train , but the long walk to the MRTS station and the utterly disgraceful queue to buy a 5 rupee ticket was nothing less than repulsive . So i took a stroll to the bus stop near my campus gate.

As i was waiting , a group of girls (or women??!! couldn't really tell the difference!) came , and behind came a group of guys . Well, that isn't new is it? But , i noticed one particular guy from that group who kept away from girls (Let's call him Mr.G , G for Good) , even as the rest of his friends played SALMAN KHAN in front of the girls . Maybe "BIRDS are not always followed by FLOCKS OF SAME FEATHER", or so i thot.


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Welcome back.

So , the bus arrived and i happened to sit beside Mr.G . He seemed to be in a happy mood , was constantly singing and kept smiling at me. I felt awkward and turned away, but his line of sight never deviated . All of a sudden, out of nowhere , he kept his hand on my legs ! And before i could write it off as sheer accident - WOHOOW! he started doin strange things . I looked at him with my mouth wide open - i was so shocked i couldn't close my mouth even after knowing that a mosquito jus entered into my digestive system . His smile got weirder !

I immediately reacted and got off the running bus , GOODBYE Mr.G(G for a three letter word- not Good) . I had a long walk back home , wondering all the while if there is a law to protect innocent guys like me (:P) from sexual harassment . I came home pretty much shaken , my parents were quite bewildered at my behaviour . As i wondered, what made Mr.G "attack" me exclusively , i washed my face and stood in front of the mirror and something struck me :

That shirt is now my favourite cleaning cloth . My parents kept asking where the shirt was - they apparently found the shirt suitable for my personality . I stopped being clean-shaven after that .

I regret my inability to star an animal in this episode - must have spoiled ur expectations after the DISCLAIMER .

By, now u wud've got the title - if not i'll give a HINT: "Solution is a HOMOGENEOUS mixture"

And to those who think i'm intolerant towards homosexuals - please comment on me after having a person of the same sex run their hands between your thighs !!!!!

See ya next episode.............

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Episode 3 - BLOKE on the water

DISCLAIMER: The following blog entry contains crude content . So , Parental Guidance is strictly prohibited!!!

After seeing my blog , one of my friends asked me the " FORMAT " for writing a blog ! So, i told him there are no rules for writing a blog . And unfortunately , he took the advice so seriously, that it resulted in a disaster of a blog in the form of this :

My sincere apologies!!

Anyways , sorry for the delay in "publishing" or "airing" - watever u want to call it - of Ep3. I just wasn't jobless enough .

I joined a summer swimming camp in my 8th grade . Now , even though my parents were kinda instrumental in my joining , it was my ambition- to be a lifeguard(!!) , that pushed me into the camp. Well, u r obviously surprised why i wud want to be a lifeguard . The reason was simple , Bollywood movies ! I hope u r familiar how in a typical bollywood movie , the hero saves the heroine from drowning ? (long story short i wanted a girlfriend !!)

So , it was the first day of the camp , and i was on the constant lookout for emergencies !! But , once the training started , my worsht (spelled with the "h") fears came true . Even being in the baby pool , i was in a constant fear of getting drowned in the "3 feet deep pool". Finally , after 5 days of coaching , i got over my POOLOPHOBIA , and cud keep myself afloat in water .

So, one fine day (turned out to be a bad one), i came earlier than everyone else to practice , and saw a girl drowning !! So , i gathered all my courage and took a dive .Unfortunately , i landed on her directly and what followed was a flurry of bad words , which to this day , i haven't found the meaning of . It happened so, that she was a professional swimmer trying to hold her breath for a good amount of time , which i happened to "misinterpret" .

I was feeling kinda feeling low(actually i was feeling "drowned") but what followed was a very interesting incident . There was a guy who already knew swimming , and used to show off in front of all the girls (ya , it was none of my business) . So , one of us (NOT ME!!) went off the hook and pulled his shorts jus before he dived , and the result - shorts outside water and him inside!!! What followed were peals of laughter (of the guys) and screeching screams (of the girls) . I decline to describe the scene any further !!!

And , after that i never wanted to step in that water again (who wud want that water to get into their mouths , after witnessing the bizarre incident) . I never went for swimming again - either because of the fear of losing my shorts , or jumping on a professional swimmer , i dunno for sure.

But i learnt an important lesson that day - i have wasted 10 mins of your time by posting a completely untrue story , and have made you mad at me!! But life goes on ..................

/*No ads this time , Because of ads-men strike!!

And one of my friends after seeing my previous post was curious to know ,wat the climax of the love story 2007 - in the seat behind me - was like . Too bad , i din't even stay till the interval of the film , because it was worse than the film on-screen.

Another of my friends , had a problem with the number of exclamation marks in my blog - he feels it's too much .Well , this is for him :

And , by the way , the title is a reference to the song "SMOKE ON THE WATER" by Deep purple.

So , see ya next episode !